The Feckless Goblin Writing Competition: Hell in a Hand Cart

Haven’t had a writing competition for a while (purse strings in a bit of a knot) so thought I’d get one going to start off your newish year.

Okay doods and doodesses, and those in between, the competition is this:

Describe Hell in one sentence.

Your job, most excellent writer, is to give a chilling feel for Hell in ONE, yes ONE, sentence. Brownie points will be given for brevity but the winner will be the one who can instill a sense of dread and damnation in a just a few words. HINT: You don’t have to describe a physical place.

PLEASE NOTE: I got this idea whilst drinking scotch.

But how do I enter Ziggy?

Put your entry in the comments section below. You can enter as many times as you like. Entry is, as usual, FREE. All I ask is that you let your twitter/facebook/cult followers know about the competition and link them to it.

And what do I get Ziggy? For these six hundred and sixty six hours of blood, sweat and tears trying to think of just one sentence to describe the underlying essence of Hell and chill your dear readers to the bone?

The winner will get a £20 Amazon Voucher (or exchange rate equivalent), e-mailed to them the day the result is announced.

So, get writing doods and doodesses, before I renew my subscription to My Dog’s Dead Weekly.

The writing competition is open until the end of February. Whence I will call on Satan to judge your miserable attempts to describe his domain.

Now…back to me scotch…mmmmmmm…much nicer than fishcakes and rocket….hic…

48 thoughts on “The Feckless Goblin Writing Competition: Hell in a Hand Cart

  1. Each person’s hell was different, just like she’d always suspected; hers would be forever the step off the roof’s edge, the falling into a night deafening with her own screams, alone in the blackness.

  2. All the people you love are there outside this room, screaming and suffering, and you’ll never be able to reach them.

  3. A mind, devoid of imagination, isolated from the outside world.

    1. You’ll find me on Twitter too, sadly my ipad won’t let me post from there.

  4. You will be separated from everything that you know is pleasant, good, just, pure and true for all of eternity with no further opportunity for pardon, acquittal, reprieve, relief or escape.

  5. An eternity sat in someones living room looking at their wedding photos.

    1. Stupid link not working *sigh* I’m on twitter 😉 @MrsSmith_Shhh

  6. For all of eternity, you are trapped in a nondescript room with no furniture or facilities and the music being piped into the room is an endless loop of “It’s a Small World After All.”

  7. Could there be any vision of hell more soul-destroying than attending a dinner party catered by McDonalds and Kraft, with Newt Gingrich, Sponge Bob Square Pants, Lindsay Lohan, and a resurrected (or not) Ronald Reagan as table mates?

  8. I sat in a room 600 miles away, waiting to leave for the flight that would take me to my ailing stepmother’s side, when my brother called and told me she had died in her sleep overnight.

  9. You work, instead of depending upon the government for a living, and Obama was re-elected.

  10. “Satan, bubala, picture this – endless entropy, punishment without penance, and the cherry on top, just the slightest, nagging suspicion that you left the kettle on.”

  11. Hell = Sitting in a marriage counselor’s office, alongside your spouse of 15+ years, listening to them admit they never loved you, but married you anyway (aka, FRAUD).

  12. The girl whose glasses you mocked in third grade, the first lover you cheated on, the sickly grandmother you never visited, everyone you ever cut off in traffic, the homeless people you stepped over, the orphans who starved waiting for your call – they all remember, and they’re waiting.

    1. (Since multiple entries are allowed, I’m adding this one)”That door is always open; it wouldn’t be Hell if you couldn’t see the way out.”

    2. “The burning flesh, the fetid pitchforks and the molesting demons are all real, but it’s your daughter who serves your sentence.”

  13. @sharontherose “Arbeit Macht Frei”

  14. “Don’t wake up,” she begs, but already she’s fading, and I’m blinking, turning to see (finally) my real wife, who looks into my eyes and says “Please, don’t wake up.”

    1. (Taking John’s lead here in replying to my own post, this time with an actual working link – and BTW, thanks heaps, Twitter, love your work. Changing things without backporting? Awesome idea. Really.Okay, actual entry follows.)His body – gloriously healed and relaxed as ever – beckons, and his beautiful eyes flick frantically across us as we return to him, our scalpels gleaming.

    2. (And one more, going for brownie points):”I wouldn’t mind the cold so much if it weren’t for the whispers.”

  15. An absence of all but the torment of knowing you are loathed and unwanted… in this life and the last.

  16. I stumble in the darkness expecting pain and fire, but what I find is much worse–everything good in life, like love and joy, is gone forever.Twitter: @GabrielRumbaut

  17. Cracked and shattered, torn and stretched, I am woven through the open sores of Dante’s circles, fastened tight against the suppurating lips by the sinuous guts of all my shrieking children.

    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  18. Worse than you think – even taking that into consideration.

  19. Let’s not go there.

  20. The denial of sight, touch and love; drowning in a stench of the world’s misery.

  21. If I live to see my children suffer for my sins, then Hell will be the memory of a smile in a baby’s eyes, the feel of a tiny hand clutching my finger, and to avoid it I will burn.

  22. There is nothing but blackness, pure, dirty darkness, and the sounds of the children yet to be born wailing in the night.

  23. Travel lodge on a roundabout in Croydon

  24. The body on the asphalt, her empty eyes the same electric blue as the text on my phone.

  25. You sit, whilst they stand, staring at you, disappointed and mute, silently judging and in the background ‘Moves Like Jagger’ plays on a perpetual, horrifying loop.

  26. I live every mistake, every ill deed, every embarrassing moment, everything I ever wished I could change, over and over again in an endless loop, while outside of the loop is nothing but darkness and empty space.

  27. There is no fire and brimstone here; just endless, unrelenting, soul-revealing truth.

  28. Hell will be a never ending waiting line where you pick a number, await your turn, only to eventually return to the end again and collect another number.

  29. She opened her eyes as the room went chill, and a voice whispered, “Karina, Karina…your time has come”.

  30. His breath on her face, her blood on his hands, blood pumping faster, heart racing, muscles twitching, never had his love been so eviscerating

  31. This comment has been removed by the author.

  32. Finally at terms with the fact I’d be tortured for eternity, I crossed the threshold of the chamber, only to be handed a carving knife and pliers by a squat nosed demon who nodded me towards a table where my child laid strapped down and looking up at me with terrified eyes.

  33. I watched the line of ants getting closer, closer until panic overtook me and I tested my bonds once more, realizing there was no way out as I felt the first bite.

  34. A knife through the heart for every regret, the drilling of laughter with each cry of pain; your deal with the devil an outstanding debt, condemns you to live this forever again.

  35. Hell is being the sanest person in a crowded room.

  36. All the suffering experienced, by man and beast, during your own privileged lifetime is now yours to endure forever.

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