Dialogue by Tony Noland

dialogue

“I don’t know why you’re even arguing this.”

“I’m arguing because it’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard, Kate. Starting a scene with dialogue is fine, but plopping the reader down into the middle of the conversation? All that does is confuse everyone.”

She shook her head. “No, the uncertainty creates a lure, a hook that draws the reader in. Without some context, pronouns without clear antecedents prompt the obvious question, WHAT is the subject of this conversation? For that matter, WHO are these people? Even more specifically, are you a man or a woman?”

“What? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, you called me ‘Kate’, and my action tag up there uses the pronoun ‘she’. I’m obviously a woman, but what about you?”

“You aren’t necessarily a woman. Female, yes, but you could be revealed to be a very mature girl, using an adult’s vocabulary. Or you could be a computer or a robot. I’ve seen that kind of twist in science fiction stories. I read this one by Robert Silverberg -”

“Don’t change the subject,” Kate said. “My point is that, by their presence or absence, the writer can deliberately use dialogue tags to reveal OR conceal.”

“Nice rhyme.”

“You are most gracious, my lord.”

“Huh?”

“Or should I say, nothin’ to it, General.

“General?”

“Or how about, you’re just teasing me, Bobby Thompson!”

“Kate, I think you should lie down.”

“No, I’m just making another point about dialogue. Look, did you see what I did there? With any one of those responses, I not only let the reader know roughly what kind of society the two of us are operating in – a formal aristocracy, a military structure, or a teenager setting – I also gave the reader a clue as to what our relationship is.”

“Oh, I get it! If you’re deferential and call me ‘my lord’, you must be at a substantially lower rung on a rigid social ladder. However, if you call me ‘General’ in a familiar way, then although your military rank must be far enough below me to warrant the use of the title, our personal relationship is such that you feel comfortable using the colloquial sentence structure!”

“Exactly, and in the young adult example, our relationship is clearly set as a flirtatious one between peers. Not only that, but in all three examples, I’ve told the reader that you are a man, or at least a male, without ever using the words he, his or him.”

“Hey, that’s great!” he said. “With just four or five words, the WHERE of this scene is outlined, at least from a cultural standpoint, and we’ve got a good start on the WHO, since I now have a gender, a name, and an idea of our relationship. That’s a fantastic economy of words, Kate.”

“Thanks, Rob. The WHAT is now apparent from the content of our speech โ€“ we’re talking about dialogue. WHY is a plot issue, not a dialogue issue, and HOW is self-evident from the vocabulary we’re using. However, the WHEN is still a bit uncertain. What century is this? More information will help to nail that down, but rather than state it overtly via the dialogue, it can be done more subtly via the interstitial action tags.”

“What do you mean, interstitial action tags?”

She smiled and adjusted the antimatter feed ratio in the cryo-arc lamp. “They’re little bits of action. If you use them right, they can tell a lot more than the bare facts of what the speaker is doing. However, you don’t want to have too many of them in a conversation, because then it will look like we’re twitchy and overcaffeinated.” Kate ran a fingertip around the edge of her glass. “Even if we are eating dinner, for example, making a point of mentioning every bite taken, every time one of us reaches for the salt and every sip of wine will get tedious to read. Even facial expressions don’t need to be mentioned very much,” she said. “It’s better to let the dialogue be the focus, and just let the readers fill in the blanks.”

“That’s a good idea,” he ejaculated.

Kate fumbled the spiced almond she was about to eat, then jerked backwards, recoiling from the splash the almond made as it fell into her glass of merlot.

“Don’t do that.” she said, dabbing at her blouse. “Please don’t do that.”

“What? What’d I do?”

“You ‘ejaculated’ in the middle of a conversation.”

He blushed. “You know perfectly well that I used it in the sense of -”

“I know what you meant. Just don’t, OK? And if you can possible help it, don’t splutter, shriek, bellow, state, whimper, whine, expostulate, utter, roar, or any other similarly unusual verb. Just say or ask.”

He shook his head. “The reader will get bored if it’s nothing but ‘he said’ and ‘she said’. That’s tedious repetition,” he averred.

“No,” she said, “it’s invisible repetition. The reader won’t even notice it, whereas that ‘averred’ you used in your last sentence is like a gilt rococo frame around an ordinary picture. It doesn’t matter what you actually said, the reader is stuck on that strange dialogue tag. You were obviously trying too hard to use a verb other than ‘said’, with the only result being that you sound like an overused thesaurus.”

“You’re being overly fussy and structural. English is a rich language, with a thousand ways to shade expressions of meaning.”

“I agree, and if you use them in the actual spoken part of the dialogue, the reader will be impressed with your erudition and eloquence. However,” she continued, “keep all that fluff out of the tags. A lot of times, you can skip the tags altogether. If you show someone doing something, then go right into their speech, you don’t even need a ‘she said’. ”

“Hang on, you just used ‘continued’! What happened to ‘only use said’, huh? You just broke your own rule!”

“Yes, Rob, I did.” She crossed the room to the bar, poured a large tumbler half-full of Jonnie Walker Blue Label. After taking a sip, she came to where he was sitting, stepped out of her shoes and eased herself down onto his lap. The silk of her blouse whispered against his tie. Kate ran her fingers through Rob’s hair and gently lifted the glass to his lips.

Her breath was warm against his ear. “I broke my own rules, Rob, because I am the writer, and I can do whatever the hell I want.”

More about Tony Noland

Tony Noland is a writer, blogger and poet in the suburbs of Philadelphia. His work has been featured in e.zines such as Evolve, and in the anthologies, 12 Days โ€“ 2009, Unluck of the Irish, Inhuman and Chinese Whisperings: The Yang Book. The most popular of any of Tonyโ€™s poems, Ode to the Semicolon has been featured on numerous grammar websites.

Tony is active on Twitter as @TonyNoland. You can
find his fiction and writing blog “Landless” at http://www.TonyNoland.com.

“The Yang Book” http://bit.ly/b9PjIQ
Blog: http://www.TonyNoland.com/
Twitter: http://twitter.com/TonyNoland
Facebook: http://on.fb.me/aSvNy1

24 thoughts on “Dialogue by Tony Noland

  1. Nice work, Tony. Fancy dialogue tags make me crazy. I’m with you, simple is best in that department.

  2. Hi Tony,I dislike speaker tags because they draw my attention away from the dialogue, focusing on the mechanics of the writer instead. As a reader, it’s not a good thing to be pulled out of a story, even if only for a second.Your post was delightfully creative. Thanks for sharing.Eden

  3. As much as I hate to stroke your ego, Tony, that was the most brilliant post on dialogue I’ve ever read. Entertaining and informative. I’m off to link this in my writing group. Thanks!

  4. Great post. So many authors complain about writing dialogue, and with a few basic tips, I’m sure you’ve made it much easier for many folks.

  5. @Cathy: Absolutely. “Said” or “asked” is the verb of choice 9 times out of 10.@Eden: I know my writing really started to improve when I started dropping tags entirely, and started trusting my reader to be able to keep track of who was speaking. Having a mixture of forms helps to keep my writing dynamic.@Danni: the most brilliant post on dialogue I’ve ever read. Hey, my ego loves you for it – carry on! Link away, link away! ๐Ÿ˜Ž

  6. That is a fantastic post. I love it. I love writing dialogue, and I hope I’m fairly good at it, but this is just plain brilliant. I bow to the master.Amy

  7. “Frankly,” Jane snapped, “I don’t agree that ‘said’ or ‘asked’ is the ONLY way to indicate dialog. 99% of the time, yes! But not always.””And in –” Jim said.Mike interrupted him, “– in a conversation between more than one person, tags, at least occasionally, are a must.””You know they’re going to disagree with you,” Jim said.Mike shrugged. “Let ’em. It’s my dialog and I talk how I want to.”(Cool post, Tony. I do agree with most of what you — or they — said. :))

  8. @India: Thanks! I’ll be honest – writing dialogue has never been a problem for me, so I’ve not been as able to empathize with those for whom it’s a challenge. I hope this piece helps.@Amy: Well, aren’t you the flatterer!@Janet: This is a good point about the tags being used for clarity. Once you introduce a third person, you have to use tags, dialects, named direct address or some other device to make it clear who is speaking.With respect to verbs other than “said” in the speech tag: in my response to Cathy, I gave it as 9 out of 10, but I’ll accept your 99 out of a 100. ๐Ÿ˜Ž

  9. Tony: I never thought much about using verbs other than said/asked, until during Nano when I was having issues with writing in first person. I went to a Spenser novel and noticed that Robert Parker was almost completely said/asked, which surprised me. I’ve tried to cut back, but there are times when it makes sense to me …

  10. Well done! ๐Ÿ™‚ I loved it. ๐Ÿ™‚

  11. That made me smile so much. In a good way!

  12. @Reena & Charmed: Thanks for reading, I’m glad you liked it!

  13. Fantastic approach. I’d like to add in that heavy dialogue in a piece does get tiresome for me as a reader and sometimes the best words are left unsaid. Thanks Tony for being different. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  14. I agree with everything, especially the part about all the little clues in the dialogue and how fancy verbs for ‘said’ are distracting. Very cool way to illustrate the point!

  15. Simply outstanding! Loved it. I may link it as well. Thanks for a great post.

  16. “in all three examples, I’ve told the reader that you are a man, or at least a male”Not in the second example. A general could conceivably be a female. Good job though. I definitely like this concept of dialogue, though it’s certainly nothing that I haven’t seen before (except for that bit about starting in the middle of a conversation, which I really like, and might even use) and it’s even in a form I’ve seen before a dialogue about dialogue is nothing new. However, I still love it.

  17. @Carrie: This is actually a problem for me sometimes. I have my characters sit around and talk for 50 pages, neglecting the need for some action!@ganymeder: Thank you!@Sutton: Feel free to link away – I’m glad you found it useful.@Casi: That’s a good point about the General being gender neutral. Thanks for the close read.

  18. WOW. Just WOW. This was brilliant. Next time people ask me how to write dialogue, I’ll send them this. (Confession: I’m addicted to the dialogue tag “grumbled.”)

  19. OMG this is brilliant! Brilliant I tell you! I’m going to go tweet it right now.

  20. @Monica and Lisa: “Brilliant” is a strong word, but I’m completely willing to be flattered – thanks, and link away!

  21. Thanks for this Tony, really brightened my day and helped make dialogue a little easier to create.

  22. “You ‘ejaculated’ in the middle of a conversation.”Yeah, I hate when that happens. Great post!

  23. @Falcata: You’re welcome!@CMStewart: Nothing stops a conversation cold like a premature interjection. ๐Ÿ˜Ž

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