Your problem? No one knows who the hell you are.
You may be the best writer in the world, or you may be the worst, it doesn’t matter, unless someone is mentioning your name, then you’re a nobody. If you’re festering at the bottom of the internet bucket, chances are you smell and no one wants to talk about you (unless it’s about how bad you stink). So it’s time you cleaned up and got to the party.
So here are 6 tips to revamp your online persona and make you the most popular kid in the garbage dump.
Engage, engage, engage. There’s no point being a shrinking violet in the corner of the party. You’ve got to mingle and meet people. Get to know them, even if they’re a million miles away and you’re not likely in a month of zombie Sundays ever going to meet them in person. In t’internet terms that means blogging, twittering, Facebooking and so on and so on, ad infinitum. Amen.
Pull your pants down and bend over for the great god of social media because you’re about to give it out to him…and then some. Engage until your fingers blister and tears of blood fall upon your beloved keyboard.
Say interesting things. Okay, so some of you are dull as dishwater and would rather blog about your cat and how it’s purring contentedly while you’re writing your latest masterpiece on how cats take over the world. But if you want to get people talking about you, and to you, you have to say something that will interest them. Make it humorous, make it contentious. Just get out of that dark corner of the party and say something they’ll damn well remember. Think internet tourettes and you’ll be some of the way there.
Speak regularly and intelligently. Don’t babble on for five minutes and then disappear for the next couple of weeks. You need to be socialising on a regular basis to make it in this digital world. If it’s getting in the way of your writing, then set a schedule and make time to be online with your fan base at least once a day.
Blog two or three times a week, Facebook and Twitter at least two or three times a day.
Don’t be rude. If you’re persona is Mr Rude Man and that’s what you are, then fine. But if you’re just a normal hack, trying to make your way in this crazy world, then try to be nice to people, even when they’re offering less than constructive criticism. If people think you’re an arse, they’re not going to want to play with you, it’s that simple.
Everyone has a right to be here, even if some of them are as dumb as fire-eating clowns in an oil refinery.
Keep your fecking to a minimum. The odd, well placed swear word works well. Littering your tweets and blogs with expletives will really feck people off – fecking get? Huh.
Do up the house occasionally. That blog you have, that list of crap down the side, those damn colours, that funny old logo, once in a while you need a revamp. Freshen up your page and cut out some of the dead links. Take a look at some of your posts and have a quick edit. Change your twitter icon.
Change your pants…just…change…something!